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“Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.” Viktor Frankl

Viktor Frankl was an Austrian neurologist, psychiatrist and Holocaust survivor. His classic book, Man’s Search for Meaning, documents his experiences at Auschwitz as both a prisoner and a psychiatrist. In effect, Frankl was “in the experience” and “observing the experience” at the same time. In doing so, he noticed that those who survived the longest were those who chose their attitude in spite of their dire circumstances; an attitude that enabled them to find meaning and purpose amid horrible suffering.

Subsequently, Frankl became the founder of Logotherapy, a school of psychotherapy that describes the search for life meaning as the central human motivational force. His research and insights were so significant that Logotherapy was recognised as the Third Viennese School of Psychotherapy — after Freud’s psychoanalysis and Adler’s individual psychology.

Central to Frankl’s philosophy is the ‘space’ between stimulus and response. In the animal kingdom, stimulus equals response. If an animal is threatened, it will fight or flee. As human beings, we have a brief moment between stimulus and response – a space – to think and choose a more helpful course of action. Stimulus (+ Thinking) = Response. Neuroscience supports this: Daniel Kahneman’s work on ‘System 1’ and ‘System 2’ thinking shows that our instinctive reactions are fast and automatic, but we have the capacity to pause and engage slower, more deliberate thinking. That pause is a learnable skill — and for leaders, it may be the most important one.

Ultimately, your emotions are your responsibility. As tough as this sounds, no one can make you feel anything without your compliance. That compliance may be conscious or unconscious, but either way, you’re making a choice. Blaming others for your situation only makes you a victim, and hands them control over you.

If you want to lead, you must take ownership of your emotions. In doing so, you have the potential to change them; to choose a response to any situation that’s more helpful to your outcomes. The leaders I’ve worked with who do this well aren’t emotionless — they’re emotionally honest. They feel the frustration, the anxiety, the pressure. They just refuse to be ruled by it.

INSPIRATION FROM OTHERS

“You are not the victim of the world, but rather the master of your own destiny. It is your choices and decisions that determine your destiny.” – Roy T. Bennett

“Feelings are something you have; not something you are.” – Shannon L. Alder

QUESTIONS TO REFLECT ON

• Where are you giving other people control over your emotions?
• What emotion are you choosing most often under pressure?
• What would change if you took full ownership of your emotional state?
  

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